[002]

[prof-pestilence.livejournal.com]

I see some of you have enjoyed your venture into attempted mass-murder, cross-dressing, bondage, and hypothetical polygamy.  How I wish I was there to witness the havoc!

 Instead, I have resided in a cave for the past five days.  Believing that both the narcolepsy and laughing fits were gone, and I saw no harm in continuing my search for the Island.  Perhaps scaling the cliffs so soon after my recovery from the laughing fits was a misstep.  I woke at the mouth of a cave to someone singing, or to be more precise, somethings singing.  Gaudy pastel sea horses.

 I soon learned that every time a living thing falls into the water at this section of the cliffs, they rescue it while singing a song for an excruciating minute and a half, telling it to “count upon the sea ponies.”  I present you with a recording of this monstrosity.  Yesterday, a tribe of lemmings arrived at the edge of the cliff.  Are you aware how maddening it is to endure that song EVERY time those heinous rodents push one of their own off the precipice?!  

Trying to kill them has proven fruitless without a weapon sufficient for the task.  When I dispatch one of these blasted creatures with a rock, there are two to replace their fallen comrade.  I once grabbed one and threatened to use as a human… pony-fish?... shield in order to gain leave.  Again, numbers proved the victor, and I was “rescued” and again treated to the Sea Pony Song.  I trust that the sea pony population isn’t inexhaustible, but killing them one by one has become tedious for the moment.  No, the best recourse is to leave, and I will later exterminate them all at my leisure.

However, every time I try to leave, some force of nature prevents me from escaping.  I began to climb back up the cliff, only to have a rockslide hinder my ascent.  Even the rockslide right over their cove did not exterminate them!  When I try to swim to another portion of the island, the pastel monstrosities block my way.  On the other hand, I was able to steal one of the oars they use as props in their musical number.

At last, they are asleep.  I can finally make my escape.

Oh, and Island, you can take your beef jerky and shove it up your arse!