Colber Report: Trash Talk Express

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

I think it's time for a little trash talk. OK, let me hit you with something.

Team Awesome? More like team POSSUM. Which is what you're going to be playing when you see how badly you'll lose to us. I guess that's what you get when you have a psycho ward escapee and a homeless guy paired up. SOME people might say awww when they see how badly you lose but it's only out of pity. Hey Team Awesome! What's that noise? Oh that's the sound of your failure because you're going to lose.

NEXT

Team Gai? What happened, you couldn't even pick a name so you decided generic was the way to go? Oh no no no, I get it, you were worried your attempts would come across so girly people would confuse you for debutantes. Well news flash, you spelled GUY wrong. What's that? You didn't graduate high school? Well that's no wonder you get an F for effort along with the F for spelling.

And finally

Hey Team Sparkliez, have you been taking spelling lessons from Team Gai? What's that? The one 'adult' on the team is to scared to fly himself so he's sending his half pint partner to her death? That's a recipe for fail right there. Good choice of name because by the end of our flight all you're going to be seeing are the sparkles dancing in your eyes from your awe at our team's amazing jetpack. That's right, we're gonna leave your sequined butts in the dust.

GO TEAM RED WHITE AND TRUE!

Comments

[bathroom-lurker.livejournal.com]

I didn't read all that but GO TEAM BLUE AND BURGER!

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Blue and burger? No red white and TRUE.

[bathroom-lurker.livejournal.com]

But I like Blue and Burger better. See? We can call ourselves B&B!

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

That sounds like Bed and Breakfast and we're not that kind of group, young lady.

[bathroom-lurker.livejournal.com]

Those are both nice things, too! Or we could be the Bread and Butter!

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

I don't think people abbreviate bread and butter like that.

THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT. We agreed to Amerikkkka Red White and True! Don't downgrade us!

[bathroom-lurker.livejournal.com]

Then how do they?

But Amerikukukukukuka RWT is too long, Stephen Colbert-kun!

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

I don't think they do.

Well you don't have to say the full name. Red White and True isn't so hard though.

You can call me Stephen you know.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

Dunno no Team Sparkliez.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Did the name change? The little girl has been running around talking about Team Sparkliez.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

Been changed fer since the beginnin'. Guess you'll have ta start all over.

Team Team.

Go.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Haha Fine. I can bring it.

Team Team? What just gave up completely? Didn't even bother to think of a name? Team Team? Seriously? Don't strain yourself there. I'm sure Team Team is the kind of name that will strike terror into the hearts of ... nope no one's gonna be afraid of a name like that. Might as well just name yourselves team Losers. Or Team Completely Uncreative. Or Team ... ohh Sparkly.

Trophy please.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

Did ya have fun with that?

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Of course. It's always fun to stick it to the competition.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

Way ta stick it to a six-year-old, McScreamy.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

I was going for you more than her but she's still the competition.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

I'm highly offended. How will I ever sleep at night? I'll have ta cry myself to sleep.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

You've been nailed.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

Hold me.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

... I think you misinterpreted my meaning for nailed.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

Yer the type that don't get sarcasm, ain't ya.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Maybe you're the type who doesn't do sarcasm well.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, maybe I've overestimated yer already low intelligence.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

You've overestimated something.

[grin-reaping.livejournal.com]

Obviously.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

So which one am I?

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Team Possum oh ye of short attention span.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

I meant out of the names, oh ye of tl;dr.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

The teams names are the only names there. Are you trying prove your insanity? Because we already believe you.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

We're also a group of three.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

In your head.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

My head?

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Don't worry I have some Vaxadrine in our cabin if you need it.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

You should probably keep all of that to yourself.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Nonsense! I'd rather you not have any psycotic episodes. I'm willing to share the wealth, on occasion, my little barnacle.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

Do you feel better about yourself now that you've made up flaws for all of the teams?

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Who needs to create flaws when there are so many hilarious ones waiting right there for me to point them out!

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

Like that tie you're wearing?

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

It is a rather attractive tie, now that you mention it. Although I couldn't expect children to understand the intricate nuances of the perfect tie.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

It looks like a cheap, mass-produced strip of fabric. Can't you afford something better, like a Charvet or a Kiton?

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

I only buy American of course. And you should be ashamed to suggest differently.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

And the color looks terrible on you.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

Oh hoh, I won't worry about color advice from someone with orange hair.

[1betterthanyou2.livejournal.com]

This is completely natural.

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

How unfortunate.

[simpleandgreen.livejournal.com]

I have just now seen this! I was too preoccupied with holding onto all of our birds before now.

Stephen Colbert-san, that . . . that was not a nice thing to say about Gai-sensei and the team I have named in his honor . . .

WHAT EXCELLENT TRASH TALKING, STEPHEN COLBERT-SAN!! I WISH I HAD READ THIS BEFORE THE FLIGHT!! IT WOULD HAVE ADDED JUST THE RIGHT EXTRA EDGE OF COMPETITION AND THEN I WOULD HAVE WORKED JUST THAT MUCH HARDER!!! I am not certain if that would have prevented the birds form attacking each other. BUT STILL!! I ADMIRE YOUR EXCELLENT COMPETITIVE SPIRIT STEPHEN COLBERT-SAN!!!!

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

AHAHA, I am rather skilled in the art. You are a very observant young man!

Have we found a place for our flag yet?

[simpleandgreen.livejournal.com]

I do not think so. Maybe we should all gather in the cabin to plan!

[stephenjrsdad.livejournal.com]

This sounds like a good plan.